Tuesday, August 4, 2009


They say Peace Corps service is sort of like a rollercoaster, ups and downs, and I've had my three month high, and third week in at my site and it hits me... the dreaded lows, questioning what I'm doing here, what I'll be doing the next two years, and my role in general... Anyone who even gives the littlest of damn in the world, idealizes peace corps and humanitarian work and has the noblest of idealistic thoughts to make a change in the fd upness that is our world... I suppose that's why the rich love to donate, to somehow feel that they are changing the course of things....

Unfortunately, it's alot different on the ground work and on my third week in, I'm dealing with semiperverted centro staff and a counterpart who has been MIA for a few days, and could probably care less to work with me... But why would he? From the Guate point of view, what would a gringa know about their culture and how to improve their standard of living?? And so for the first time in her life, little esther is wondering what to do next, no plan, sitting in the backseat she stares out the window and ponders....

But the good news is that every single volunteer goes through this and this is all probably stressed due to the fact that I've decided to spend the week in one of my aldeas, to live within the community and with the people I will be working with... Again, very idealized right?? But it's sort of trying to learn how to walk all over again, in addition to no running water, a graveled-like cement latrine with feces and toilet paper surrounding it, and puesto staff who have nothing for you to do and are wondering what you do... And while the humility of the people is awe aspiring, it somehow doesn't compensate the sadness I see from a people who have been so ignored and impoverished.... Where do you start changing centuries of these conditions?? How can one gringo do that???

The mental state probably isn't helped by my witnessing a crazy camioneta accident aftermath last week, in which a bus crushed a mother and her baby into a wall after the breaks went out coming down the mountain from my aldea... Brain splatter, blood, cadaver and all left me a little shook up...

Ok so it's been rough but this is what we signed up for, to be challenged and to try to overcome it; so we´ll be lost, but it's the only way we will find ourselves right??? So heads up for now, I'm surrounded by a really great group of other volunteers and hey, I have two years to get my crap together in the land of eternal spring.

1 comment:

  1. OH.... there is no answer for this... I am so sorry... happy you are not alone.. Welcome to this crazy shithole paradise world.. why could not you say it so before??

    All my love energy and all